Wondering How To Be Successful In Life?
We don't control many of the things we pursue in life, yet we become angry, sad, hurt, scared or jealous when we don't get them. I believe that's because we haven't made an important distinction – the things that are in our control, versus the things we don’t have the sense to admit are outside of our control. So rather than plant your feet, learning to surf is how to be successful in life.
Observed closely enough, all of life is interesting. The practice of Coaching teaches this. All of life is filled with moments that knock us off our feet and offer up lessons to be our best selves. Should we care to answer the calling.
Our focused attention charms the part of ourselves that feels chaotic and out of control. Coaching detail by detail, we encounter not only ourselves, not only our truth, but the greater truth that stands behind all relationships and all communication.
Those emotions and reactions are about the only thing we do control. A surfer of life is someone who lives life on their own terms, according to what they know is in their control. You will never settle for less than you can be, share, give or create.
One way to navigate our desire to control is to use NATO. When you're Not Attached To Outcomes, how could that change your approach? Without the outcome in mind, we're far less likely to become angry, sad, hurt, scared or jealous. We're open to seeing where the story takes us, rather than losing our shit when life has something else in mind.
Would you apply for a new position and be proud you were even considered, or would you just be angry that someone else got it? Would you tell someone you love them, even if there was a chance of not hearing it back? Would you choose to never own another dog because the sadness of the loss was crushing? We can't control the outcomes in any of these situations, but we can fully decide how we want to react.
What principles will guide and inspire your actions in life? There are three foundations that drastically impact how you interact with the world.
See it as it is but not worse than it is, so you have an excuse not to try.
See it better than it is. Set this as your new default. You live / breathe to get there. You're bringing your vision.
- Make it that way. You have to take massive action. You have to honour what you most believe. You won't settle.
Picture each foundation as a pair of glasses you can pop on and off. A chance to see the world in a different light. If you've ever felt stuck, or find less meaning in your work, it's often tied to a lack of growth. You’re not being challenged.
Happiness comes from progress. Life is growth. If we're not growing, we don't feel alive. If we want to make progress, sometimes we have to admit there's a gap between where we are and where we want to be.
How To Be Successful In Life Comes Down To 3 Steps
I'd like to share one method I use with my Coaching partnerships. It pulls from everything we've talked about. The Fowler method breaks success down to three steps.
- The dreams you have
The plans you make
The actions you take
The first step is to help you create a clear vision of what it is you want to achieve. You'll struggle to set goals without a vision.
What accomplishments MUST happen in your lifetime so that you will consider your life to have been satisfying and well‐lived – a life of few or no regrets?
The second step is to co-create a plan to help you get there. Achieve the vision. Who in your life can be called on to help you create a plan? Think of someone you admire and has made the change you seek.
How would you describe your support system? Are there people who believe in you unconditionally?
Third, you need someone to hold you accountable. Because maybe you've tried before and you're frustrated with the results. That's why people look to Coaches. I help by guiding your focus to your non-negotiables. The things you MUST accomplish in your lifetime.
There are a lot of people looking for the accountability piece when it comes to Coaching. You know what to do, you tried in the past, but you're just not sticking to it.
If you have a person you trust to provide non-judgemental feedback and hold you accountable, you're 85% of the way there.
You have a choice to decide whether life is a daring adventure or an existence of wondering what might have been.
I hope you choose to explore your potential. The world is a better place when your work is tied to a purpose, cause, or belief.